blog . . .

i mainly log and 'review' what i've been doing recently. You'll see some art here and there
view 2024 blog posts


14.05.25 / review

piranesi by susanna clarke
type: book

"Piranesi’s house is no ordinary building: its rooms are infinite, its corridors endless, its walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of statues, each one different from all the others. Within the labyrinth of halls an ocean is imprisoned; waves thunder up staircases, rooms are flooded in an instant. But Piranesi is not afraid; he understands the tides as he understands the pattern of the labyrinth itself. He lives to explore the house.

There is one other person in the house—a man called The Other, who visits Piranesi twice a week and asks for help with research into A Great and Secret Knowledge. But as Piranesi explores, evidence emerges of another person, and a terrible truth begins to unravel, revealing a world beyond the one Piranesi has always known."

i picked up piranesi as a little break from reading house of leaves. while there are thematical similarities between the two, piranesi was substantially easier to read (it's also only about ~260 pages long). still a really fun read! the way it was written reminded me of walter moers' works a little

dr ketterley is one of those really bitter, morally reprehensive characters i can't help but like. i wanted the book to linger on his death just a little longer.. i generally wish there had been a little more dialogue between him and piranesi or a deeper exploration of their relationship.

i also found out that travis knight is set to direct a stop-motion animated film based on piranesi! i will be waiting patiently.

“It is my belief that the World (or, if you will, the House, since the two are for all practical purposes identical) wishes an Inhabitant for Itself to be a witness to its Beauty and the recipient of its Mercies. If I leave, then the House will have no Inhabitant and how will I bear the thought of it Empty?”

this quote is nice. we have to live forever

13.05.25 / entry

these next few weeks are gonna be roughh .. i'll manage somehow.

had a long day today. we went on an excursion and i took some pictures, but i'm not too fond of the subjects so i probably won't upload the images to the photography page. i attached two below anyway.
i got through half of piranesi on the bus ride there lol. pretty fitting that the place was filled with statues. i also picked up some books from the library for myself and a friend. trying to read more physical books and fill my bookshelf some more.

07.05.25 / entry

i have been getting nothing done.. my living situation has become kind of ass and i keep putting off work that's piling up. but my situation isn't bad enough to justify procrastinating at all. just having weird thoughts lately.

in a desperate attempt to do anything but what i'm supposed to be doing, i've been going to the library and reading house of leaves again. it's making me feel better, but there's like a lingering sense of dread at the back of my mind that just won't go away

i also have an appointment to get a haircut tomorrow. i think i want to keep my hair long

23.04.25 / music

went to a ghost concert today. i don't care for the band all that much anymore but the concert was still fun! i am a little sad they didn't play more songs from opus eponymous or infestissumann; the last time i went to a concert the setlist was better

phones were actually forbidden so i don't have any gifs to add :(

[26.04.25: ghost released their new album skeletá yesterday. and none of the songs really speak to me.. as expected lol. can't pinpoint it exactly but the direction their sound has taken these past few albums is just not for me. they're trying too hard with this one idk.. trashy satanic metal worked better than the pop-rock thing they have going on rn
i made a playlist with some songs i do like]

22.04.25 / review

silent hill 4: the room
type: game

"Henry wakes up trapped in his own apartment. Forced to crawl a mysterious gateway on the wall, he's taken to grisly realities that holds both secrets and answers"

I was surprised to find out sh4 was not received well at all when it came out, because I absolutely loved it..
I played the pc version and had some trouble with mapping the controls at first, but once everything worked i got into it very easily.

this game is so visually appealing.. one thing that immediately grew on me was the camerawork and how dynamic and clever the usage of perspective was in certain areas. it had a very cinematic feel to it. From a gameplay point of view, it also showed things to or hid them from the player in an engaging way (which is definitely something I'll remember to incorporate into future projects). the graphics are stylized in a way that appeals to my taste in visuals and aesthetics as well.. i just love how this game looks. i uploaded some screenshots i took here! Too many to put under this post.
The soundtrack is fire too (as with all the silent hil games tbh). i've been listening to it a lot since finishing the game.

There’s an overarching theme of loneliness in sh4 that really resonated with me, i think. While the story mainly revolves around walter and his abandonment, henry definitely is a part of this theme. He has no initial emotional connection to the machinations of the plot (or seemingly anyone, for that matter) and is introduced to us as a lonely, unimportant guy. I think through someone like henry as the player character we get especially separated from the outside world. Our neighbors only know us in passing and no one seemingly cares about us enough to even notice we’ve been trapped in our own apartment (except for eileen kind of?). either way we are totally left to our own devices in finding an escape from the room, as any attempts at getting help from outside are futile.

Henry’s dialogue is very emotionless too, which I'm appointing to his distant personality rather than to bad voice acting lol. He makes the player feel like an observer to the situation that unfolds and someone who is pulled in rather than the cause of these events. One of the very few things we learn about henry is that he likes photography, which i think is a great little detail that kind of enforces his 'observant' nature.
henry is the protagonist, but it's not his story at all.

And while henry literally climbs through every hole he can to escape, it feels like he isn't even sure of what he’s supposed to be doing himself. when he meets cynthia and eileen, i want to think the weird affinity he develops for them is his detached attempt at reaching out and building a connection to someone. eileen is a link to the outside, a pillar of support and a motivation to escape the isolation. she's the mother reborn.. she becomes to henry what room 302 is to walter, maybe?
i do think henry loves her in a way, or wants her to love him, similar to how walter wants the comfort of the room's love. because love is like a liberator from isolation

I see myself in henry so this might just all be projecting a little too much hahshaha

There is also the clever integration of the Room into the gameplay. It’s introduced as a safe space, the way it appears to kid Walter, as a loving “mother” that keeps you safe and heals you throughout the first half of the game. Only to become a space that wants to hurt you after learning the truth, as if the true nature of Walter’s mother who actually abandoned him in that very room is revealed.
The holes are also kiiiind of like umbilical cords serving as connections from the mother (room 302) to the child (Walter and his consciousness manifested as the other world). Im tweaking whatever
the other world definitely is a manifestation of walter's psyche though and i think that's really sad because it's all so haunted and twisted. walter is so lonely. he gets neglected and manipulated by those around him that his sense of reality becomes all distorted and wrong, that he can't see the world as anything but cruel and yearns for nothing but to return to his mother's womb, because that's the only place he ever felt loved. i really can't hate him as an antagonist, even if the things he does and is implied to have done are really terrible.

Walter and henry kind of mirror each other very well.. to me, they're both reaching for an escape from isolation, only that walter sees loneliness in the cruelty of the world while henry sees loneliness in himself and the very room that walter is trying to escape to.

i think it’s also really cool that the room becomes a tool to solve the puzzles in the other world and that the limited inventory forces you to return to the room every once in a while. even if i got a little annoyed by the fact that you can’t just throw away broken items.
The second half of the game just being one big repetition of the four worlds and also an escort mission is probably a big turn off for some people. but it didn’t really bother me, as there was enough “new” stuff to encounter. Except for the 2nd trip to the building world, that one felt a little taxing.
I do have a little bit of an issue with the ghosts and the wall men enemies as well, as their placements and hitboxes felt unfair at times.. And the ai in the game also isn’t the best. but it ended up being funny most of the time, especially with Eileen and Walter, so i can't really be mad. Another thing that i can't fully get around to though is the ”one truth” boss fight. It feels out of place and doesn’t really hold any narrative significance to me.. Maybe I'm just stupid though idk.

but yeah, all in all this game rules. i've been daydreaming a lot about it since i finished it


[23.04.25: this all feels pulled outta my ass i'm sorry. i was very sleep deprived when i wrote this.. please excuse any weird wording and bad grammar etc etc as always]

21.04.25 / entry

a pigeon flew into our living room today and our cat immediately went for it & clawed one of it's eyes out.. i put the pigeon in a cat carrier and took it to a shelter nearby where they're taking care of it now. i'm probably gonna call there again in a few days just to ask if the pigeon is fine. i'm really glad i was able to reach someone during the holidays, the woman who helped me was really nice and we had a chat about pigeons and their organization at the shelter

17.04.25 / review

death stranding (watched playthrough)
type: game

"Deliveryman Sam Porter must travel across a ravaged wasteland and reconnect the city states of America formed after a mysterious apocalyptic event dubbed 'death stranding' left the world in ruins and plagued by supernatural tar creatures"

spent the last few days watching a 26 hour no commentary playthrough of death stranding, occasionally drawing in the background during the longer walking segments. in hindsight the game probably would've left an even bigger impact on me if i had played it myself but it's too late for that now. i still had a blast just watching someone play it. i love how carefully crafted kojima's games are and how much passion goes into making them. he has such an idiosyncratic approach to videogames you can really feel it in all his works. and everytime the music set in it made the game feel even more alive, it was delightful

i especially liked clifford's character and mad's portrayal of him. i've said before that i'm not the biggest fan of mo-capped things but it actually works well in death stranding

09.04.25 / review

hannibal (2013) (rewatch)
type: tv show

"Explores the early relationship between renowned psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter and a young FBI criminal profiler who is haunted by his ability to empathize with serial killers"

loooong dragged out sigh. somehow rewatched hannibal on total accident in less than a week. i can't pretend i dislike this show it still holds a special place in my heart. at least it kind of cured my art block

31.03.25 / entry

got home from my trip to leipzig yesterday! i regret not finishing my valtr cosplay so bad but whateverrr i'll have it done by this halloween or next year's bookfair.. i already borrowed some evo foam to finish it and ordered some more stuff for it today as well. had to carry the rolled up foam all the way back home and almost forgot it in the train though lol

here's a wonderful and totally unedited collage of us at the manga comic con made by this odd guy who let me invade his place for 3 days again (thanks vincent

also treated myself to this dice set. they clank really loudly when you roll them i love it. i got a few other things but i'm too lazy to take pictures

18.03.25 / review

midnight mass (2021)
type: tv show

"An isolated island community experiences miraculous events - and frightening omens - after the arrival of a charismatic, mysterious young priest."

midnight mass has been on my watchlist since it released and i finally got to it over the span of the past few days. it didn't emotionally hit me as hard as i think it intends to with certain scenes but i still enjoyed it. especially father paul's character, his actor really delivered.

09.03.25 / review

mickey 17 (2025)
type: film

"Mickey 17, known as an "expendable," goes on a dangerous journey to colonize an ice planet"

i think overall the tone was too satire and all over the place for me.. but i enjoyed it nonetheless? i guess i went in expecting something a little different. it's very contemporary in a way and works as a commentary on the absurdity of the current political climate. but it's so in your face about it i felt like the film didn't trust it's audience to pick up on it's themes had they been more subtle. it should've been more grounded and taken the political commentary and it's audience more serious for me to like it..

i did like the creature design for the inhabitants of the ice planet and pattinson's character was fun too. conceptually this movie was made for me but i didn't like the execution.. maybe i need to read the book it's based on

04.03.25 / entry

my schedule has gotten really full and im so busy i barely have any days just for myself these next few weeks.. which is kind of good i guess i like being occupied. but i wish i could work on this site more

also i don't think i'll finish my valtr cosplay in time for the bookfair lol. it's approaching faster than i thought.. at least i've been drawing a little more lately and doing some character design again. aghh i want to make a page for my art

03.03.25 / review

nosferatu (2024)
type: film

"A gothic tale of obsession between a haunted young woman and the terrifying vampire infatuated with her, causing untold horror in its wake"

finally watched this together with a friend (in german). we giggled. also rewatched conclave in the cinema

28.02.25 / entry

found these old elden ring screenshots while going through my steam library. i'm thinking about getting monster hunter wilds..

21.02.25 / review

conclave (2024)
type: film

"When Cardinal Lawrence is tasked with leading one of the world's most secretive and ancient events, selecting a new Pope, he finds himself at the center of a web of conspiracies and intrigue that could shake the very foundation of the Catholic Church"

watched earlier today. i kind of loved this film.. striking visuals accompanied by a great score and thematically it's right up my alley too. just very well directed in general. i kind of wish i had watched it in a cinema.
that one scene where tedesco hits a vape actually made me laugh out loud that's a genius little characterizing detail to add

16.02.25 / review

van helsing (2004) (rewatch)
type: film

"The famed monster hunter is sent to Transylvania to stop Count Dracula, who is using Dr. Frankenstein's research and a werewolf for nefarious purposes"

this film sucksss but it's so funny i love it. had a movie night with some friends and i made them watch ravenous (1999) as well. nothing more delightful than watching shitty films you love with your friends

09.02.25 / review

the name of the rose (1986)
type: film

"An intellectually nonconformist friar investigates a series of mysterious deaths in an isolated abbey"

can definitely see where pentiment got some of it's ideas from. i enjoyed it, sean connery is funny in this. hrmm i want to read the book the film is based on

09.02.25 / review

pentiment
type: game

"a historical narrative-driven game focusing on character development, heavily stylized art, and choice-driven storytelling in early 16th century Bavaria. Players will play as Andreas Maler, a clever illustrator caught up in a series of murders in Tassing and Kiersau Abbey over the course of twenty five years"

pentiment has so much charm..
i think it stands out as a historical game because the world is depicted so alive and human compared to a lot of gloomy or heroized "medieval" games. the lives of the people in tassing aren't constantly miserable & dirty and aren't being romanticized in some way either. i mean pentiment takes place during the reformation rather than the late middle ages but it is really well researched in comparison to other games or fictious works playing during the same period. it avoids generic fantasy tropes and doesn't play during the reformation purely for "aesthetic" reasons.. and the story fits in and therefore comes very naturally. i like that!
there are still some small things to criticize about the game, but idk not worth mentioning. i love glazing something i enjoyed playing

pentiment is also just stylized very well, especially the dialogue boxes with the character-specific typefaces and animations and the illuminatory art style. i also really like the little ink blots on emphasized words and the corrections.

werner has to be one of my favorites among the cast. a few things from the game with him:

i started the game in english but quickly switched to german because it seemed more fitting. i'll probably do another playthrough in english at some point though... there were a few scenes that got me to smile a little too. the nuremberger vs. innsbrucker inch bit was funny. i'm generally glad i picked the rapscallion background because it led to some fun dialogue options.

and somewhere somehow i see myself in andreas' struggle with art, love and his own mind blah blah here are some more images and gifs:

03.02.25 / entry

this german documentary on fences was in my youtube recommendations today. i'm obsessed with the overly critical and eloquent commentary. just incredibly entertaining

02.02.25 / entry

i refuse to count this as a review but i've also been playing project sekai a little because of a friend... i'm not a fan of gacha games at all and to be completely honest the character designs are very. bland. but i do like some of the songs and rhythm games are objectively fun.

i have a thing for bassists so shiho is probably my favorite of the pjsk cast. even if she looks like anime girl nr. 2394.. this upgraded card of her is also kind of nice i guess i like her outfit

25.01.25 / music

some albums i've been listening to this january. dots and loops (expanded edition) by stereolab is an honorable mention


from the sea to the land beyond - sea power

the art of being a girl - julee cruise

oh perilous world - rasputina

to be an angel blind, the crippled soul divide - the tear garden

an insatiable high - masayoshi takanaka

the burning world - swans

the new sound - geordie greep

the unacceptable face of freedom - test dept

20.01.25 / review

balatro
type: game

"a poker-inspired roguelike deck builder all about creating powerful synergies and winning big"

i'm late to the party as always but i started playing balatro! i get why people were talking about it so much now, it's honestly a really solid deckbuilding roguelike and the graphics are pretty charming as well. i like the different joker variations and the references on them

after 2 or 3 failed runs of only going for high card hands i tried something else and immediately had a good run lol

17.01.25 / entry

went to the comic & game shop near me to see if they had any new gunpla model kits and got this stupid sd zaku. he isn't finished yet but i tried panel lining for the first time and it doesn't look terrible hey.

i'm working on a page for my stamp and gunpla (+ artbooks, CDs, books?) collection so you might see the finished zaku there if i end up getting the page done.. it might stay as a wip forever though

15.01.25 / music

i've been listening to a lot of masayoshi takanaka's albums while going on walks. his music reminds me of summertime.. ahh i want the sun to come out again.
here's a good youtube video on takanaka

11.01.25 / review

interstellar (2014) (rewatch)
type: film

"When Earth becomes uninhabitable in the future, a farmer and ex-NASA pilot, Joseph Cooper, is tasked to pilot a spacecraft, along with a team of researchers, to find a new planet for humans."

watched this with my mom. liked the cinematography and of course the great soundtrack by hans zimmer. they're really the backbone of this film for me

also having seen 2001: a space odyssey now, i can definitely see the influence it had.
+ while rewatching i realized that those reoccuring nightmares of large bodies of water and gigantic waves i've had for years were probably evoked by interstellar lol

02.01.25 / review

the rocky horror picture show (1975)
type: film

"A newly-engaged couple are stuck with a flat tire during a storm and must seek shelter at the bizarre residence of Dr. Frank-n-Furter, a transvestite scientist, who unveils his latest creation: a muscular man named 'Rocky'"

this has been on my watchlist for a while. what a ride lol, tim curry was great in this. bring back overtly perverted and queer films.. (meant in the most positive sense)

01.01.25 / entry

happy new years! i ended up sleeping through it but i dont really mind..

year in review + resolutions: i'm very satisfied with my 2024, even if i procrastinated a lot. i started getting out more and grew closer to a lot of people + reconnected with some i haven't talked to in a while. i went to berlin and leipzig, wrecked my graphic tablet and got a new one, reworked my website and managed to get surgery after a very long wait.
i want to work harder this year!!! here's to hoping i spend more time reading books and drawing, as well as working on personal gamedev projects. reviewing more films and albums is also a new year's resolution i want to uphold.
a little private, but now that I've had surgery i want to pay more attention to my appearance and social life and live out the things i couldn't do for the past few years to the fullest.

I would also love to pick up writing as a new hobby.. thinking about worldbuilding is something i literally lull myself to sleep with every night, so I'd love to write down some ideas and improve my writing skills. maybe this will help me finally get together a group for some tabletop games I've been meaning to dm.

making ceramics and clay figures would also be cool.. i guess in general i just want to create more for 2025

oh also here are my favorite words of 2024:

  • cacophony
  • jargon
  • debauch
  • shrapnel
  • blunderbuss
  • throttle
  • gallant
  • idiosyncrasy
  • simulacrum
  • malleable
  • oblong
  • severe
  • hirnsäge
  • firmament
  • begnadet
  • zwielichtig
  • taumeln
  • abrupt