still at a loss when it comes to art.. i've become increasingly aware of how much less passionate i am about things recently. which scares me because i don't feel depressed at all. in fact i've probably never been more at peace. but for some reason i still feel like i'm wasting my time drawing nothing for hours. nothing to admire or be proud of at the end and i don't know my own process anymore. like i'm on autopilot for art but it's all wrong. i can't feel or think about the subjects in a meaningful way anymore it's driving me insane. it's not indifference.. just less emotion? less care? less me? in my art lately. scratches my ass
18.03.25 / review
midnight mass (2021) type: tv show
"An isolated island community experiences miraculous events - and frightening omens - after the arrival of a charismatic, mysterious young priest."
midnight mass has been on my watchlist since it released and i finally got to it over the span of the past few days. it didn't emotionally hit me as hard as i think it intends to with certain scenes but i still enjoyed it. especially father paul's character, his actor really delivered.
i like the cinematography in this show. also father paul falling down the altar because it's funny:
09.03.25 / review
mickey 17 (2025) type: film
"Mickey 17, known as an "expendable," goes on a dangerous journey to colonize an ice planet"
i think overall the tone was too satire and all over the place for me.. but i enjoyed it nonetheless? i guess i went in expecting something a little different. it's very contemporary in a way and works as a commentary on the absurdity of the current political climate. but it's so in your face about it i felt like the film didn't trust it's audience to pick up on it's themes had they been more subtle. it should've been more grounded and taken the political commentary and it's audience more serious for me to like it..
i did like the creature design for the inhabitants of the ice planet and pattinson's character was fun too. conceptually this movie was made for me but i didn't like the execution.. maybe i need to read the book it's based on
04.03.25 / entry
my schedule has gotten really full and im so busy i barely have any days just for myself these next few weeks.. which is kind of good i guess i like being occupied. but i wish i could work on this site more
also i don't think i'll finish my valtr cosplay in time for the bookfair lol. it's approaching faster than i thought.. at least i've been drawing a little more lately and doing some character design again. aghh i want to make a page for my art
03.03.25 / review
nosferatu (2024) type: film
"A gothic tale of obsession between a haunted young woman and the terrifying vampire infatuated with her, causing untold horror in its wake"
finally watched this together with a friend (in german). we giggled. also rewatched conclave in the cinema
28.02.25 / entry
found these old elden ring screenshots while going through my steam library. i'm thinking about getting monster hunter wilds..
21.02.25 / review
conclave (2024) type: film
"When Cardinal Lawrence is tasked with leading one of the world's most secretive and ancient events, selecting a new Pope, he finds himself at the center of a web of conspiracies and intrigue that could shake the very foundation of the Catholic Church"
watched earlier today. i kind of loved this film.. striking visuals accompanied by a great score and thematically it's right up my alley too. just very well directed in general. i kind of wish i had watched it in a cinema. that one scene where tedesco hits a vape actually made me laugh out loud that's a genius little characterizing detail to add
16.02.25 / review
van helsing (2004) (rewatch) type: film
"The famed monster hunter is sent to Transylvania to stop Count Dracula, who is using Dr. Frankenstein's research and a werewolf for nefarious purposes"
this film sucksss but it's so funny i love it. had a movie night with some friends and i made them watch ravenous (1999) as well. nothing more delightful than watching shitty films you love with your friends
13.02.25 / music
listening through sanguinarius' discography. i'm trying to move away from spotify a little
09.02.25 / review
the name of the rose (1986) type: film
"An intellectually nonconformist friar investigates a series of mysterious deaths in an isolated abbey"
can definitely see where pentiment got some of it's ideas from. i enjoyed it, sean connery is funny in this. hrmm i want to read the book the film is based on
09.02.25 / review
pentiment type: game
"a historical narrative-driven game focusing on character development, heavily stylized art, and choice-driven storytelling in early 16th century Bavaria. Players will play as Andreas Maler, a clever illustrator caught up in a series of murders in Tassing and Kiersau Abbey over the course of twenty five years"
pentiment has so much charm..
i think it stands out as a historical game because the world is depicted so alive and human compared to a lot of gloomy or heroized "medieval" games.
the lives of the people in tassing aren't constantly miserable & dirty and aren't being romanticized in some way either.
i mean pentiment takes place during the reformation rather than the late middle ages but it is really well researched in comparison to other games or fictious works playing during the same period.
it avoids generic fantasy tropes and doesn't play during the reformation purely for "aesthetic" reasons.. and the story fits in and therefore comes very naturally. i like that!
there are still some small things to criticize about the game, but idk not worth mentioning. i love glazing something i enjoyed playing
pentiment is also just stylized very well, especially the dialogue boxes with the character-specific typefaces and animations and the illuminatory(?) art style.
i also really like the little ink blots on emphasized words and the corrections.
werner has to be one of my favorites among the cast. a few things from the game with him:
just now realized this drawing paul did was supposed to be werner.. how funny
i started the game in english but quickly switched to german because it seemed more fitting. i'll probably do another playthrough in english at some point though...
there were a few scenes that got me to smile a little too. the nuremberger vs. innsbrucker inch bit was funny.
i'm generally glad i picked the rapscallion background because it led to some fun dialogue options.
and somewhere somehow i see myself in andreas' struggle with art, love and his own mind blah blah here are some more images and gifs:
03.02.25 / entry
this german documentary on fences was in my youtube recommendations today. i'm obsessed with the overly critical and eloquent commentary. just incredibly entertaining
02.02.25 / entry
i refuse to count this as a review but i've also been playing project sekai a little because of a friend... i'm not a fan of gacha games at all and to be completely honest the character designs are very. bland. but i do like some of the songs and rhythm games are objectively fun.
i have a thing for bassists so shiho is probably my favorite of the pjsk cast. even if she looks like anime girl nr. 2394.. this upgraded card of her is also kind of nice i guess i like her outfit
30.01.25 / entry
picked up pentiment (logging it here as soon as i've finished it!) and the mention of till eulenspiegel unlocked a long-lost memory of our village play about him i was in growing up. i found some old videos of me at age 7 dressed as a peasant singing on a stage.. quite embarrassing.
still, a really funny guy looking at him now. i like these illustrations of him and this stamp
25.01.25 / music
some albums i've been listening to this january. dots and loops (expanded edition) by stereolab is an honorable mention
from the sea to the land beyond - sea power
the art of being a girl - julee cruise
oh perilous world - rasputina
to be an angel blind, the crippled soul divide - the tear garden
an insatiable high - masayoshi takanaka
the burning world - swans
the new sound - geordie greep
the unacceptable face of freedom - test dept
20.01.25 / review
balatro type: game
"a poker-inspired roguelike deck builder all about creating powerful synergies and winning big"
i'm late to the party as always but i started playing balatro! i get why people were talking about it so much now, it's honestly a really solid deckbuilding roguelike and the graphics are pretty charming as well. i like the different joker variations and the references on them
after 2 or 3 failed runs of only going for high card hands i tried something else and immediately had a good run lol
17.01.25 / entry
went to the comic & game shop near me to see if they had any new gunpla model kits and got this stupid sd zaku. he isn't finished yet but i tried panel lining for the first time and it doesn't look terrible hey.
i'm working on a page for my stamp and gunpla (+ artbooks, CDs, books?) collection so you might see the finished zaku there if i end up getting the page done.. it might stay as a wip forever though
15.01.25 / music
i've been listening to a lot of masayoshi takanaka's albums while going on walks. his music reminds me of summertime.. ahh i want the sun to come out again. here's a good youtube video on takanaka
11.01.25 / review
interstellar (2014) (rewatch) type: film
"When Earth becomes uninhabitable in the future, a farmer and ex-NASA pilot, Joseph Cooper, is tasked to pilot a spacecraft, along with a team of researchers, to find a new planet for humans."
watched this with my mom. i liked the cinematography and of course the gripping soundtrack by hans zimmer. together they really are the backbone of this film.
also having seen 2001: a space odyssey now, i can definitely see the influence it had. + while rewatching i realized that those reoccuring nightmares of large bodies of water and gigantic waves i've had for years were probably evoked by interstellar lol
02.01.25 / review
the rocky horror picture show (1975) type: film
"A newly-engaged couple are stuck with a flat tire during a storm and must seek shelter at the bizarre residence of Dr. Frank-n-Furter, a transvestite scientist, who unveils his latest creation: a muscular man named 'Rocky'"
this has been on my watchlist for a while. what a ride lol, tim curry was great in this. bring back overtly perverted and queer films.. (meant in the most positive sense)
01.01.25 / entry
happy new years! i ended up sleeping through it but i dont really mind..
year in review + resolutions: i'm very satisfied with my 2024, even if i procrastinated a lot. i started getting out more and grew closer to a lot of people + reconnected with some i haven't talked to in a while. i went to berlin and leipzig, wrecked my graphic tablet and got a new one, reworked my website and managed to get surgery after a very long wait.
i want to work harder this year!!! here's to hoping i spend more time reading books and drawing, as well as working on personal gamedev projects. reviewing more films and albums is also a new year's resolution i want to uphold.
a little private, but now that I've had surgery i want to pay more attention to my appearance and social life and live out the things i couldn't do for the past few years to the fullest.
I would also love to pick up writing as a new hobby.. thinking about worldbuilding is something i literally lull myself to sleep with every night, so I'd love to write down some ideas and improve my writing skills. maybe this will help me finally get together a group for some tabletop games I've been meaning to dm.
making ceramics and clay figures would also be cool.. i guess in general i just want to create more for 2025