blog . . .

the shape of water
type: film

"At a top secret research facility in the 1960s, a lonely janitor forms a unique relationship with an amphibious creature that is being held in captivity."

i lovee gdt's cinematography.. watching his new frankenstein film soon, i'm endlessly excited

deadlock (closed beta)
type: game

"an upcoming third-person shooter and MOBA game by Valve. Set in an alternate 1940s version of New York called The Cursed Apple, where two covenants battle to complete the Ritual and summon their Patron, a god capable of granting wishes"

oh this game. i know i said mobas aren't for me but deadlock has kind of taken me by storm. there are still aspects of the game that i cant bring myself to like, like the dense ui and the exhausting length of the matches, but the characters have really grown on me and the games setting & stylization is just everything. i cannot wait for venator to release with this halloween update, he seems like a character that was made for me.
i started out with sinclair (terrible character to start with tbh.) and have been gravitating towards viscous, drifter, mirage and victor + i want to play dynamo more. the entire cast is so fun though and i'm really looking forward to seeing the game develop and grow

fly my viscous

frankenstein by mary shelley
type: book

"Victor Frankenstein, a young scientist, becomes obsessed with discovering the secret of life. He assembles a creature from various body parts and brings it to life. Horrified by his creation, Victor abandons it. The monster, intelligent and sensitive, is left to fend for itself and learns about the world, facing rejection and cruelty from society"

OK took me a few days but I'm finally writing a little review for this.

I obviously knew Frankenstein through a variety of films and books and artworks and whatnot but I never read the original novel. Now I have, and it has become so dear to me so quickly..
It makes me kind of sad how this story has been chewed up and regurgitated countless times, and how many adaptations have completely lost the essence of the novel in the process. At the same time, there’s a beauty to how this book has permeated pop culture in a way few books have or ever will. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein you are eternal… orz

While the book is structured around a tale about the dangers of unchecked ambition and the pursuit of knowledge, it’s much more of a story about scientific and parental responsibility to me. It drives me mad that Victor dies without ever really grasping the extent of his failures as a creator and father to his creature. But it also makes perfect sense for him to selfishly misinterpret the creature’s feelings until the end and fail it even in death. Just the worst guy ever.

I guess this entire theme really struck a chord with me because it can so easily be projected onto the transgender experience. someone so othered and internally convinced to be a perversion of nature is quick to identify in the creature’s misery. when shown no love, not even by its own creator, all the creature can do is reciprocate hatred and prejudice onto itself and others..

Also a funny thing I have noticed is that I tend to pick up on the language and writing style of books I liked. So if I suddenly start to sound more Old English it's because Shelley's prose has wedged itself deeply inside my brain and I can't help replicating it.

Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.

no i'm not a human
type: game

"an indie first-person horror visual novel video game set in a dystopian world populated by alien impostors disguised as humans. The game follows the player as they try to distinguish between real humans who need shelter and the aliens out to harm them"

thought it was an interesting short game

the pied piper (1986)
type: film

"a stop-motion adaptation of The Pied Piper of Hamelin about a plague of rats that punish townsfolk corrupt with greed"

sick art direction

street of crocodiles (1986)
type: short film

"Inside a box full of curio, a puppet who is recently freed from his strings explores a dusty and forlorn commercial area. The explorer becomes ensnared into miniature tailor shop by baby-faced dolls"

i loved it. will probably rewatch this a lot to just absorb everything. i dream of making something like street of crocodiles.. one day i will get my ass up and make a stop motion film

weapons (2025)
type: film

"When all but one child from the same class mysteriously vanish on the same night at exactly the same time, a community is left questioning who or what is behind their disappearance"

went to watch this in the theatre after work yesterday. slept a night on it and i dont knowww

weapons builds up to a grandiosely absurd third act similar to the substance, only that if the substance's final act was like a car crash you can't take your eyes off of, weapon's final act was like a clown car crash. which is not necessarily something bad, there are aspects of this film that i like, but i didn't fully enjoy it. it kind of lives up to all the talk about it i guess, just not in the way i was hoping it would.

there was this theme of parasitism which showed up a few times that i liked. one could understand gladys as a human parasite, invading a community inconspicuously by posing as something familiar, incapacitating it's members slowly and taking control of them to feed her own needs. but overall any deeper thematic bearings still felt underdeveloped or got a little lost in the making perhaps. at least that's how i feel about it.
maybe to me the film concers itself too much with audience reactions and being palatable, and i would've liked it more if it was just a tad weirder and more vague. but the blend of horror/thriller with comedy had my theatre giggling and i also thought it was a structurally interesting film, even though it almosttt dragged on a little bit. definintely made the right decision by seeing this in a full theatre, because it feels like that's how it was intended to be watched.

to wong foo, thanks for everything! julie newmar (1995)
type: film

"Three drag queens travel cross-country until their car breaks down, leaving them stranded in a small town"

it's peak

the fall (2006)
type: film

"In a hospital on the outskirts of 1920s Los Angeles, an injured stuntman begins to tell a fellow patient, a little girl with a broken arm, a fantastic story about 5 mythical heroes. Thanks to his fractured state of mind and her vivid imagination, the line between fiction and reality starts to blur as the tale advances."

woww wow absolute cinema... the visuals and costuming are just insanely impressive and the idea behind the film resonates so deeply with me.. it's about the immense power stories hold over our reality and how we project and mesh parts of ourselves into our fictions. it's through stories that we digest reality and find meaning in it. so good

lola rennt (1998)
type: film

"After a botched money delivery, Lola has 20 minutes to come up with 100,000 Deutschmarks"

very whacky and uniquely edited, i liked it. watched this on the flight back to germany with my friend (we also rewatched pixels and the desolation of smaug. our flight was almost 14 hours ok we had some time to kill.)

look back (2024)
type: film

"The overly confident Fujino and the shut-in Kyomoto couldn't be more different, but a love of drawing manga brings these two small-town girls together"

you have to keep making art... you have to look back and keep making things forever and ever..
i loved this film but i'm also biased as hell because i like making things too.

all saints street (2020)
type: tv show

"Bowman, a demon who is fascinated by humans, runs away from home to live in the human world. Despite his desire to integrate himself with humans, he ultimately finds himself sharing an apartment with other mythological beings"

we watched all 4 seasons in one sitting (the episodes are really short).
very trope-y but it's not like it's trying not the be subtle about it. this is not something i'd usually watch, but it was fun together with friends. unique art style to see animated

a silent voice (2016)
type: film

"A deaf girl, Shoko, is bullied by the popular Shoya. As Shoya continues to bully Shoko, the class turns its back on him. Shoko transfers and Shoya grows up as an outcast. Alone and depressed, the regretful Shoya finds Shoko to make amends"

watched with friends. idkk did not really resonate with me